Kit Winter Wishes collab. by Aquarius and JanetB Designs

Available at DDR HERE

Look at this bundle! Scrumptous! 

Soft and subtle, warm and cozy, shades of brown and burnished gold fill this collab kit.  From the moon shining in the night sky, to richly textured and slightly grungy, you'll find papers to suit any page.  Not just for winter or holiday pages, this kit can be used for vintage, portrait, or any page where a little mystery will enhance your photos.

By purchasing the bundle with all the pieces included, you can save some money.  You'll get the full kit with 24 papers and 60 elements, 7 clusters, 5 wordarts,  2 alpha's and 10 flairs -- that's over 270 mgs to play with!

Waiting for snow Ver.1

Waiting for snow Ver. 2

 Sonny "under the tree"

My First & FREE Quick Page for Cool Scraps Digital

 Kit used is "Papillons" by SDJPC available HERE at Cool Scrap Digitals

Here it is: "Peeking into the human world"

                                       FREE Available 4 You, @ 4 Shared HERE

(CU) Mistica Designs ~ American Country

 StarSongStudio ~ Winter Ruins

 SSS ~ Winter Ruins

SSS ~ Vintage Christmas

Someone Like You a DDR Collab.

scrap the #3

Geof ~ 5 years memorial

DDR Shop HERE

DDR collab ~ Someone like you

Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly....on a broomstick. We are flexible like that.

Boy there is more truth in this than many would admit to...

Subject: Jesus and the Democrat

JESUS  AND THE DEMOCRAT (I  don't care what party you like, this one's funny!!) A Republican, in a wheelchair, entered a restaurant one afternoon  and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Republican looked  across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Republican requested that she give  Jesus a cup of coffee, on him. The next patron to come in was a Libertarian, with a hunched back.  He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the  waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across  the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus, over there?" The  waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of  hot tea, "My treat." The  third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on  crutches.  He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered,  "Hey there honey! How's about getting me a cold glass of wine?" He  too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Isn't that God's boy  over there? The  waitress nodded, so the Democrat directed her to give Jesus a cold  glass of wine. "On my bill," he said loudly. As  Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and  said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Republican felt the  strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the  door. Jesus passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness,  you are healed." The Libertarian felt his back straightening up and  he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of back  flips out the door. Then, Jesus walked towards the Democrat, just smiling. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me ... I'm  collecting disability."

RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND 
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on  her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in  our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: He set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official  voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began  crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While  handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store  suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October  22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO!

IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was?

And last, but not least: 
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out. 

LMAO, U R 2 admit it!

Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly....on a broomstick. We are flexible like that.

Available at DDR & CSD

It is on sale now for $11.00 for the entire bundle!!!

For your inspiration:

The Midas Touch

 

In memory of Jay Kohr

Free Font: cursif

 
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted. 



--

 

Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly....on a broomstick. We are flexible like that.

This Bundle is on sale now HERE  
regular price $10.99
Save: 36% off now  $6.99

Mystic Canyon

 Kit by Colleen Lynch available ONLY at DDR or Here  Hurry it is on sale for $9.15! This is a very versatile kit~

The Final Inspection

THE FINAL INSPECTION       THE FINAL INSPECTION The soldier stood and faced God, Which must always come to pass. He hoped his shoes were shining, Just as brightly as his brass. 'Step forward now, soldier, How shall I deal with you? Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?' The soldier squared his shoulders and said, 'No, Lord, I guess I have not. Because those of us who carry guns, Can't always be a saint. I've had to work most Sundays, And at times my talk was tough. And sometimes I've been violent, Because the world is awfully rough. But, I never took a penny, That wasn't mine to keep... Though I worked a lot of overtime, When the bills just got too steep. And I never passed a cry for help, Though at times I shook with fear... And sometimes, God, forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears. I know I don't deserve a place, Among the people here. They never wanted me around, Except to calm their fears. If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand. I never expected or had too much, But if you don't, I'll understand. There was a silence all around the throne, Where the saints had often trod. As the soldier waited quietly, For the judgment of his God. 'Step forward now, you soldier, You've borne your burdens well. Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in Hell.' Author Unknown~ If you care to offer the smallest token of recognition and appreciation for our military, please pass this on and pray for our men and women who have served, and are currently serving our country. And pray for those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for freedom... THESE COLORS DON'T RUN!

Ancient symbols

ANCIENT SYMBOLS!! A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that it was family oriented and held women in high esteem.
You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them.
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food.
The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews."

The audience applauded enthusiastically, but a little old man stood up in the back of the room and said,
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
V
"Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left. It says:
Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman"

Cowboy Rancher Dude

 

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.

GOV'T AGENT:  "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

RANCHER:  "Well, there's my hired hand whose been with me for 3 years.  I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy.  He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.  He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life.  He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

GOV'T AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."

RANCHER: "That would be me."

Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly....on a broomstick. We are flexible like that. 
ROFLMAO

CSD Halloween LO Challenge

 Kit is by MystD ~ All Souls Night available at digistylesdesigns


Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly....on a broomstick. We are flexible like that.

 
FREE!!!! HUGE Designer grab bag at DDR
Click here to get it!

It's Halloween!!! 13 designers from our designer team came together to create a FUN and SCARY Grabbag for you! 13 Freebies, coupons and more - guaranteed!

Please note: not more advertising than necessary! This bag includes mostly FREEBIES!!! PU and CU - an appreciation for the continuing support of our customers. Thank you all!